Why, hello there fellow Space Monkeys and also our loyal fan! I’m here to expose the truths behind all those LIES apparent in CK’s recent filthy “journalism”.
Where to begin?
I began Thursday by donning my Hoagie costume (a.k.a. my regular clothes, only specifically wearing the same t-shirt Hoagie wears, along with a blue cap). We get to the Hilton where it’s being held and I make N1NJ4 keep on going (oh, it’s N1NJ4, myself, and CK – I feel I should point that out) until we spot a Giant. Get out, and scope the place out. The entrance is not out front. It is back around the side and hidden and not marked because FUCK customers.
We had a plan. We needed ice cream. We run off and grab three single-serving containers of vanilla Ben & Jerry’s and head off looking for delicious bacon! We grab some yellow American cheese and some Oscar Meyer microwaveable bacon. Head back and pick up a bag of ice to keep all this cold, even though those two lunatics are trying to convince me ice cream will stay cold out in the trunk. Trunk be damned! We’re getting this ice, and ain’t no man or woman of this Earth gonna convince me otherwise.
So we pay and get ourselves to the convention. N1NJ4 turns off the road onto the roof of the parking garage which is physical insanity, something I would expect of, say, an Elder God. We park and get our gear and head in and spend the next hour in line. We made some pretty decent progress by the end of that hour. We got from one end of a hallway to another. Unfortunately, that was still only about half the distance of the line.